I have read a lot of blogs: Funny blogs, business blogs, as-a-matter-of-fact blogs, abstract blogs, sexy blogs, sex blogs and even spiritual blogs. The reason why I though to start blogging myself was to be "in" and kewl. After my first attempt (as u all can read for your selves) was a disaster. Too many things put together in a huge handi and a biryani made up of my feelings, thoughts and experiences. I never thought of blogging again. I had friends I could talk too.
Today, I switch on my computer only to post this blog. As I sit in my dimly lit bedroom, with no one in the house, I ponder over the harsh reality of this Big Bad World. I am now situated in the midst of a small city, named Sharjah, which is eternally bubbling with life! Yet, this city...and all the other 6 emirates (states) are inhabited by dead people. And if just in case you find one man who's alive, you would label him sleeping. Coming from Delhi, I think this country (United Arab Emirates aka The Emirates) has no soul.
I am a lively, vibrant, vivacious 20 something girl who loves to fly high!! I call myself a Free Bird! I hate restrictions and limitations. There is nothing a human cannot achieve. And I know I have limitless potential and the power to actualise my potentials. This world is beautiful and so is this Life. The people are lovely and each one of us are living unique lives......
Yes.... some people are bad and some are good... but ultimately we all are learning..... something or the other... and trying to find The Truth and The divine. Then why do we crib? Why do we bitch? Why do we insult? Why do we feel jealous?? I don’t. And even if I do at times, I try to control it, chant hard and ask the Mystic Law to eradicate all negativities from within me. This is what keeps me happy and kicking!
But today..... today... I am sad. I trusted a few people in my office here. I trusted them with love! But I feel they have been backbiting about me. Obviously I cannot ever get direct proof of it... after all... its BACK biting that they do. But when my fellow counsellors told me about the hot gossip about me that is taking rounds in the school I was shattered!!! Me? This little girl who doesn’t mean harm to anybody? Me? But I always loved everyone as if they were a part of me!!! I respected ALL my colleagues... bloody they are all my parents’ age and some even older!!! All of them consider me as a daughter! Then how can they talk about me!???!! Well..... surprise surprise..... I’m wearing rose colour glasses. People bitch... people gossip...people talk......and they love what they are doing. They won’t even feel sorry if I confront them!! I am a student counsellor for grade 1-4 boys. I was a teacher before I got promoted. All my colleagues now call me Baby Counsellor. How stupid I was to think that they love me as their daughter and hence call me baby. How naive! I was called in by the principal recently and she said that teachers are not taking me seriously because I dress up like a kid! (WHAT???) They think I am not working properly and just wasting my time away to glory! (REALLY??!!) They have even linked me up with an unmarried colleague in our section (Oh Lord!!)......

And I thought they loved me!!
How naive!

Actually, it’s MY fault. We should be responsible for our own actions. Nothing happen to us if we don’t choose it to happen. I wear black jeans and three-fourths to school, I greet each person...from the janitor to the supervisor....with a huge smile and a bright "HIII!", I sit in the sports field early in the morning to enjoy the rain, I confide in colleagues who are in their late 20's about my parents, and I vibrantly reply back to little boys who wish me good morning! All these are immature behaviours! Grownups don’t do all this. Look what comments I got from my principal...... "Teachers don’t take you seriously. You should be more professional. and they say you don’t follow up on your cases. The behaviour in the section is not maintained properly"! .....errrmmmm..... none of my grade 3 and 4 boys have behaviour problems which I need to maintain. And I am not responsible for discipline in the section. The teachers are. Not the counsellors. But here I get a nice comment from the principal. Why? Because I am a bloody happy-go-lucky chic who likes to spread love and happiness.

My fellow counsellors said that I need to maintain a distance from the teachers. The frogs will croak, the dogs will bark, the teachers will talk.

And I used to hold the teaching profession as the noblest of all... demanding high respect and stature! “Guru Brahma, Guru Vishnu, Guru Devo Maheshwara.” And when Gurus gossip..... they become Guru Blah Blah, Guru vicious, Guru "dey-must-be-making-out-naa"!!!!!

YUCK!

I have always prayed To the almighty to give me wisdom. I want to achieve buddhahood in this lifetime..... it’s a huge task....! That’s why I have been put among 30/40/50 something’s so that I can learn from their experiences about the negativities of this world and try to raise myself above them.

"people name their mistakes as experience. Learn from other’s mistakes not experience”
-someone great

I have learnt today that I will not blindly trust people and get friendly with everyone. I want stop being happy but I will not showcase myself as Ms. happy-go-lucky. I will be more professional and make use of the power of my supervisory grade position at work. I will still be vibrant but I will use my wisdom and be careful about my actions. I will now be more vigilant and not take the world for granted. It’s a Big Bad World..... and I will win it over with my wisdom, courage and compassion. Never will I crib about anything or bitch about anyone. If I don’t like someone I will try to learn a lesson from him/her and rise above petty grudging!

Am I on the right path? or am I still acting "immature"?