This thing called Husband....

When men say that women can’t do anything straight I feel like doing two things. 1, Give them a good whack on their face and 2, let them meet my husband! "Marriage works on mutual understanding", says my Father-in-law. The wife is not only supposed to feed her tired husband but also provide nutrition to his tired mind. A man goes through a lot in the entire day. He has to deal with people who don't understand him, people who can’t understand his position in the office, people who can’t say two good things to him when he is done something he is proud of and deal with N number of men who only criticize him for all his goof ups and silly decisions. He has to control his emotions seeing people who can't drive properly and control his sperm when he sees that the stupid driver is a hot babe. There is so much he has to go through in the entire day!

A woman on the other hand has to only deal with two things: "they don't like what I am doing or what I am wearing" or " they don't understand I am so capable". Otherwise she doesn’t mind stupid drivers on the road, people who don’t understand her position in the office, people who think she is silly or even people who keep ogling when they see her. She KNOWS she is much better than all of these men and that there are MANY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS to look into and think about. Important things like: How much I can improve myself, how can I make my colleague feel nice and make him/her smile, how I can bring my thinking in accordance with my superiors and understand their point of view. Important things like how can I keep my things in place so I can get them back when I need them and how I can organize my home and family in such a way that neither feels neglected.

But at the end of the day both, man and woman, come home tired. Both want to retire and both want a nice glass of cold water or a cup of hot tea. They both require indulging in some leisure time. So the man switches on the TV and the woman.......well.... she wants to go have a hot water bath and sleep .....but..... she enters the kitchen..... because "who will make the hot cup of tea that we both want right now?" and then she has to do the laundry or else "what will you wear for tomorrow’s meeting?" and of course before the bath she also has to look into the fridge and see what vegetables are available for cooking for tonight's dinner. Meanwhile the man goes to the bedroom to change clothes or switches on his laptop to do some "important work"(read: facebook) or goes to the bathroom with his favorite book to sit for an hour on his "thinking seat" (read: flush pot).

But soon he discovers that his favorite sweat is missing or his laptop's charger is not on the table or the book he keeps in the 'book shelf' in the toilet is half wet! And here comes the bomb... "Honey!!! Can’t you ever do anything straight? Who told you to touch my clothes/laptop things/book????"

(sigh) the ever-so-wise woman simply stares at the guy. Takes out the sweaty sweat from the laundry bag/ takes out the laptop charger from the laptop carry case/ shows the man that the book is wet because he washes himself before he keeps the book back in the shelf and his dripping hands are the cause to the stagnated water on the shelf.

The man doesn’t understand. He still thinks the woman can’t do anything straight.

Meet my husband I tell all the Men. He understands me like I understand myself. He always knows where to find his sweats because he takes care of his clothes as if they were his own babies. He always knows where the laptop charger is because he doesn’t keep them anywhere but in the carry case. And books...... well he doesn’t read....

My husband comes home, takes off his shoes and helps me in the kitchen (because he thinks I take a long time to cook), he switches on the TV to watch a movie only when I am done with all the other chores... and he helps me do the laundry (well....because he thinks I am too forgetful to do so regularly). He even waters the plants so that I don’t talk to them and waste 10 minutes of valuable time. I get to lounge on a sofa every evening while he sweeps the floor because when I do it I often miss out some or another corner or miss a spot here or there.

hmmm...... I know all you women reading this post are probably indulging in some envious laughter. Envy because I get what you don’t. Laughter..... yess...... that's the plan my girls. DO YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT EVERYTIME?

Leave a little bit on them I say. What? What do you say? They are babies? Can't do anything by themselves is it???

LUCKY YOU!

You get to do important things at home! You get to be the boss and shout at him, nagging him on how kiddish he is!!! You get the "I am sorry" make-up sessions that I am deprived of!!!!

There is a bad side to having a husband who is independently perfect. He gets to be upset and tell the wife how incapable she is. He gets to crack silly jokes on her recently developed tires as an indication of her leisure time at home and supposedly "forced" labor time for the husband!!!

Well. Be happy all you women in the world. You have a husband who is not perfect!

The Greatest Challenge

Life teaches us a lot. But no lesson is easy to learn. In the process we have to overcome so many hurdles and challenges that sometimes this learning seems almost exhausting!
I am psychologist......a healer. I aspire to provide life changing therapy sessions to my community and society at large. There have been many successful moments in my life...
And there have been times when I haven't been able to reach out to my client. But up till now...my biggest challenge has been to change my loved ones.

As a therapist, I can influence a million parents, youngsters, children and educationalists....but I seem to be taking sooooooooooo long to inculcate the correct attitude and teachings in my own parents and fiancé. All of these are very important people in my life. They inspire me, guide me, teach me and advice me. I do the same for them. I have noticed, that the three of them are rigidly staying put in the rut of their Common-Man lives.

Daishonin (Buddhism) says that our environment is a reflection of our self. If we don’t change... nothing will change around us. In order to make my parents and fiancé understand the idiosyncrasies of mortal man and escape the sufferings that arise out of life's distresses, I will have to develop myself!
My mother is a very responsible individual who believes in self care being higher than care for others. I don’t care about myself and my things. I tend to be irresponsible with my belongings and always remain in a state of perplex, hunting for my earrings, my books, important files or even a particular dress! I don’t care about my body and fill it with extra sugar and extra salt ...not to forget unnecessary meat... and let fat ooze out of embarrassing areas of my body! How can I expect her to change herself for an irresponsible girl like me?
My dad is a cultured man. His values are very strong. He believes in loving the community as if it is a part of our identity. By upholding strong value systems like respecting elders and being sensitive to the needs of the people around us, we can win respect and name in the eyes of others. I don’t respect my father. I speak out aloud my perceptions about him and mom with an aim to make them feel guilty for their faulty parenting. Every man learns with his mistakes. By continuously penalizing him for the errors you are only devaluing him. And I de-value my folks. I tell them whets wrong in them and hurt their ego. How can I expect him to change himself for a rebel like me?
My fiancé is a much disciplined man. He believes in Precaution rather than cure. He values time and routine. Honesty, sincerity, pure intentions are synonymous to his name. Every dealing in his life is done with pure intentions. His love is so unconditional that it can make any woman guilty for judging anything or anyone in life! He has the ability to concentrate on the positives of his loved ones rather than their negatives. I judge ALL his actions, all his thought processes, all his belief systems! His profession asks him to fall in love with one’s own body and develop it and nurture it lovingly. I don’t exercise, I don't wear anklets for my sprained ankles, I wear heals that trouble my spine, my hips and my feet. His day is jam-packed hardly allowing him space to breathe. He therefore values every moment of his life. I run late almost every day for almost every task. My papers are submitted in the nick of time and I love the adrenaline gush of running to catch a movie or arrive on a date with him. How can I ask him to change for a careless girl like me?

I have to be more responsible of myself and my belongings, I have to respect my parents and value the traditions of my house, I have to do time management and respect my body. Only by bringing these changes in my life will I inspire them to change their outlook of life. Only then will I be able to let them know that Life is beautiful and not as stressful as they think it is!

Midnight Winter Dream....

In the silence of the mind, a true lover romances with her ownself.
In the Silence of the world, she hears her own voice.

Her musings take her to a land far off,
travelling in time
transending space.
In her musings she scares herself of a future so horrid
and then cries to her lover for protection and cover.

In the silence of the mind,
she hears her speak,
comforting, soft voice....
an anchor in the turbulent sea...
''Why do you fear that that you do not know
What do you love? That is not yours!
Who do you admire? Him? Who is no one but You?
Love thyself and thou shalt know...
there exists nothing but Thy....''

Every night.... I dream.... of being one with You.........

New Found Love

Man! What is this thing called Love? These philosphers have made it so difficult to understand. Feelings? Emotions? need for belongingness or security? Need to be accepted? a mix of all? none of these?

hmm..... something to ponder on! I just know one thing...... I am in love...... with EVERYONE and EVERYTHING! I am in Love with life!!!

But this is a secret okay...... hush hush!

Am i left behind...yet again?

Whatever happens to us is our responsibility. Like Goosebumps' series of multiple endings, in real life too we choose our own endings. Sometimes we read swiftly, while some times we go slowly.

I have been a slow and steady player in this game called Life. Every time people have sprinted ahead, I have consoled myself by saying “slow and steady wins the race". And then came a moment when I leaped forward. That’s when I tasted the sweet Victory. I experienced being the fastest in the race! Now that life has taken a slower lane, I do not like it.

People say that the modern day life (kalyug) is a rat race....a blind rat race. We are running with our eyes closed. I am one of those fortunate ones to have found the way to open my eyes. But still I prefer closing them at times! Shame on me for that! Out of millions of souls residing on Earth, a pinch of them learn what is the true purpose in life. And a grain out of that pinch of sand makes the amount of people who actively start their journey to practice opening their eyes to reality. I have been one of those very few people. Shame on me if I still digress from the correct path!

PHEW!!! Heavy stuff ya?? I don’t know if you understood what I meant. In simple words, I meant, I at times start focusing on things that don’t matter in Life. Like ego, money, fame, appreciation from others, acceptance by people in power (including parents and teachers)! If I know that most of the people don’t realise that it is LOVE that fuels life, then why should I even bother getting acknowledgement from then? Why should I think of getting married to a rich American? Why should I fret that my near and dear ones don’t understand me?

I am unique. I know what I want from life and I know how to get there. I need to work hard!!! And keep doing good for others so that I can reap the benefits of my good deeds in guise of proper education and protection from evil and harm. Yet at times, I let my anxiety/fear of the unknown come in my way. Those who uphold strong faith have all their prayers answered. I KNOW I will be victorious! I will get what I want. So what if it comes later than expected. I know everything happens for a reason and I will get what I want only when I truly deserve it!

There is no race going on...... no one is left behind..... :)

never begrudge your life

I belong to the world of the youth! People of my age are on the verge of losing hope and wantto be more "practical" in life than idealistic. Most of us youngsters are starting to earn a living and finding out that all the passionate utopian ideals were best preserved in a book and that the real life is much different! Some of us have understood that its best to do what others are doing while some of us are being so rebellious to their own thing that they are losing focus from being good.... to being right!

Whats right? The norms set by the society.... or the desires to create our own norms?

Being one of those who is on the path of self-discovery and seeking The Truth of Life.... I am stranded between the two clashing worlds of society and inner self. Both these worlds provide me with very important emotions and feelings. The former lends me social acceptance and sense of belongingness while the latter nourishes me with self-love and calmness. When I listen to the world, I have my doubts about the workings of the phenomenon we call 'Life'. When I listen to my inner self, I invite opportunities to fight the world and prove myself and my thinkings to be correct.

Each man.... on his way upwards... in the hierarchy of understanding of life... has to face many such obstacles. A lot of lay men and corrupt people who are accredited with wisdom and Gods choicest blessings come in the way to hinder the progress. Many a times.... in order to establish the correct way of living... you need to stay stubborn..... undefeated.... and wage a peaceful war ( I told u naa.. I am a living oxymoron) so that you can do good for the society. Its something like asking people to quit eating KFC as it is extremely bad for health and environment (pun intended)!

We all need to go through these testing times..... but here.... a very imporatnt part of us.....which was so characteristic of our personality..... has to change.

I have always been the romantic passionate types. I was complexed about my fatness and never very confident that men could like me. Hence, I generally chose those kind of men who either had the same feeling about them or those who did not care about the looks no matter what they were looking for in place of it). I had friends who were impressed by other qualities in me and hence thought I was very beautiful. I loved each one of them and I loved them dearly!!!

I still do.

But I require to change. I have learnt that love is not just emotions of compassion, care and warmth. Love is wisdom also. And it takes courage to use that wisdom against the compassion that the naive angelic heart exudes.

While on my way to Self Actualization/ Buddhahood I will have to use wisdom, courage and compassion in such a way that it creates for me the perfect life state to dwell in! And for this to happen.... i will have to taste sufferings. With this point of view, Sufferings Are Good! And hence, one should never begrudge one's life.

I am going through a tough phase in life. I know once I will be out of it, I will look back and smile ( In times of difficulty Wise men rejoice while foolish retreat) and I will never ever regret all the decisions I took through out this phase. I wont regret the people I met, the things I did, the fights I started and the tears I produced. I will not begrudge what is happening to me. This is an essential learning lesson. And apart from all that I have learned as of now.............i know......... there is much more in store of me....

And "yeh picture baaki hai mere dost"

Today, I don't think there is anything wrong in me and I am confident that ANY man can love me. I know I am worth a lot!!! I am not just looking for Love........ I am looking for wisdom as well. I am not segregating life ..... I am trying to look at it in its totality. I haven't lost hope in people and goodness of mankind. Each one of us is good. And each one of us is right according to his/her own thinking. What is important for an individual is to find a creative way to bridge the gap between the society and the inner self!

Love (... still pondering)

The most complex emotion of all leaves me craving to know more about it and experience it to the tilt. But every time I go ahead to do so... something gets missed and I cant seem to feel Love in its totality. Last time I had a guy... I was mad for him. I experienced the Deewanapan, the Awarapan side of love. The maddening Romeo effect! I was head over heels for this guy and I couldn’t understand why didn’t he love me...

Today... as I stand stable with a man for a year or so, I am experiencing the calm, sober, sweet poison effect of Love. Every time he smiles he makes me smile. He makes sure I am pampered and well cared for. Dr. Brian says, Love is not always giving but also receiving. I gave a lot to my ex.... and this time I am at the receiving end. But in both the cases... I haven’t ever felt secure.
I have felt
Attachment, solitude,
empathy, sympathy,
madness, craziness,
friendship, romance,
sweet nothings, heated somethings,

Calm silence.

Warm hugs,
feeling of being complete......

Awe, fear, possessiveness, obsession ,insecurity.

But I haven’t felt secure. No one made me feel that I am completely safe with him. That no matter what happens I will be able to live life the way I want.
Last time I was scared that he will leave me.... today I am scared that I will leave him. Both the times no one in my environment liked him! Why do I choose men who are not as good as I am? Why do people think I deserve more? How come I don’t listen to my parents and let them find a rich good looking husband for me? Why do I get attracted to men who are so very different from my society and from me....yet so similar? My guy right now is everything I want him to be but nothing apart from that. I had never thought that I want a guy who can plan his life properly and make sure he knows the ins and outs of the working of the world. I had taken this quality for granted. Here I meet a guy who is as stupid as I am. Seriously, our environment is the reflection of our inner selves. My guy is all that I am. And this leaves me insecure.... and pondering. What is love ultimately? Is it love with oneself? Is it status or emotion or power or nature? I have been guided by a spiritual leader to look at marriage in its totality. If a man doesn’t have money and power but all the beautiful emotions and feelings... he is just being foolish to step into the institution of marriage. After all money and power brings a sense of victory in one’s life letting the person to dwell in the life states of happiness and confidence. If a person keeps talking and talking about how happy he wants to become but never actually works smart to achieve it..... He is just trying to fly in the sky with cardboard wings!

What is love then?

somebody help me..................