never begrudge your life

I belong to the world of the youth! People of my age are on the verge of losing hope and wantto be more "practical" in life than idealistic. Most of us youngsters are starting to earn a living and finding out that all the passionate utopian ideals were best preserved in a book and that the real life is much different! Some of us have understood that its best to do what others are doing while some of us are being so rebellious to their own thing that they are losing focus from being good.... to being right!

Whats right? The norms set by the society.... or the desires to create our own norms?

Being one of those who is on the path of self-discovery and seeking The Truth of Life.... I am stranded between the two clashing worlds of society and inner self. Both these worlds provide me with very important emotions and feelings. The former lends me social acceptance and sense of belongingness while the latter nourishes me with self-love and calmness. When I listen to the world, I have my doubts about the workings of the phenomenon we call 'Life'. When I listen to my inner self, I invite opportunities to fight the world and prove myself and my thinkings to be correct.

Each man.... on his way upwards... in the hierarchy of understanding of life... has to face many such obstacles. A lot of lay men and corrupt people who are accredited with wisdom and Gods choicest blessings come in the way to hinder the progress. Many a times.... in order to establish the correct way of living... you need to stay stubborn..... undefeated.... and wage a peaceful war ( I told u naa.. I am a living oxymoron) so that you can do good for the society. Its something like asking people to quit eating KFC as it is extremely bad for health and environment (pun intended)!

We all need to go through these testing times..... but here.... a very imporatnt part of us.....which was so characteristic of our personality..... has to change.

I have always been the romantic passionate types. I was complexed about my fatness and never very confident that men could like me. Hence, I generally chose those kind of men who either had the same feeling about them or those who did not care about the looks no matter what they were looking for in place of it). I had friends who were impressed by other qualities in me and hence thought I was very beautiful. I loved each one of them and I loved them dearly!!!

I still do.

But I require to change. I have learnt that love is not just emotions of compassion, care and warmth. Love is wisdom also. And it takes courage to use that wisdom against the compassion that the naive angelic heart exudes.

While on my way to Self Actualization/ Buddhahood I will have to use wisdom, courage and compassion in such a way that it creates for me the perfect life state to dwell in! And for this to happen.... i will have to taste sufferings. With this point of view, Sufferings Are Good! And hence, one should never begrudge one's life.

I am going through a tough phase in life. I know once I will be out of it, I will look back and smile ( In times of difficulty Wise men rejoice while foolish retreat) and I will never ever regret all the decisions I took through out this phase. I wont regret the people I met, the things I did, the fights I started and the tears I produced. I will not begrudge what is happening to me. This is an essential learning lesson. And apart from all that I have learned as of now.............i know......... there is much more in store of me....

And "yeh picture baaki hai mere dost"

Today, I don't think there is anything wrong in me and I am confident that ANY man can love me. I know I am worth a lot!!! I am not just looking for Love........ I am looking for wisdom as well. I am not segregating life ..... I am trying to look at it in its totality. I haven't lost hope in people and goodness of mankind. Each one of us is good. And each one of us is right according to his/her own thinking. What is important for an individual is to find a creative way to bridge the gap between the society and the inner self!