The Ugly Truth

I often debated with my friends on the irrelevance of physical appearance. I believe its the heart that matters. A good heart intended to create good deeds with a respectful demeanor will always be more attractive than pretty eyes, silky hair and fair skin.

My friends used to debate on the importance of a presentable exterior. Most of them would argue that first impressions were very important and only someone who fits the ideal beauty concept of the society will be able to sail smoothly through her life. The Plain Janes will always find it tougher to show their true worth and will have to struggle to prove themselves. And the minority of the population, the ugly looking chicks, well, God save them! I detest such views. Its not your face or your body that makes a difference its your thoughts and your belief in yourself that comes across to the other person as strikingly different and attractive. "Ugly" looking girls have been demeaned to such an extent by the society that they lose confidence in themselves. They lose touch with who they truly are and then when they meet new people this is exactly what they communicate through their body language and especially their eyes.

My aunt has a very odd looking face. She reminds me of the infamous Gnome of Christmas Eve. When she smiles it seems as though she is manipulating a notorious game and when she gets angry her red eyes get smaller and wickeder, a easy scare for little children. Her dark skin is spotted with darker spots and her Asian black hair doesn't compliment her skin texture or her face contours. Can I call her ugly? You just might.

She is the world's most pure hearted and sweet woman. Her gnome-like smile always glows with ecstasy at realising how wonderful Mother's Grace is. Her small wicked eyes are far from even the 'w' of 'wicked'. They are filled with motherly love and guidance. Her goal in life is to feed her children till the time they became fat and pink. She is not of very superior intelligence. Her innocence tickles at the smallest of the scientific invention and she thanks God for being kind enough to give man the intelligence to create wonders. She considers everyone as "Good" and salutes most of her relatives for being so knowledgeable and intelligent.

I love her. She is, in the literal sense, an angel.

But not everyone thinks of her in the same way. My aunt had a tough married life. Her mother-in-law used to physically abuse her because she thought my aunt was a disgrace to their family. She even tried killing her so that her handsome son can re-marry a beautiful fair and tall woman. Ask my aunt today of what she thinks of her saas and she says that her mother-in-law was a woman with a strong bold personality and was very strong headed and that she had a huge heart as she wouldn't let any guest go hungry or dissatisfied from her house!! Anyways, that was past. My aunt's present isn't any sweeter. Some of my relatives don't like to talk to her or don't want to be seen talking to her because she looks like an illiterate ugly old woman. I have seen how some of the women prefer smiling silently with a group of men than striking an interesting conversation with my aunt!! How silly.

Sometimes, my heart cries when I see such moments. Were my friends right? Is it truly this difficult for a not-so-good-looking woman to socially prove her true worth? Aunty is loved by her children and she is loved by the people close to her family. But when she has to talk to her husbands friends or her daughter's teachers she is looked down upon. I pity such an education system where basic values of love and respect are not transferred to the students.

What will be the inner state of life of such a woman then? Wouldn't she become the cranky oldie everyone despises? And who will be at fault then? Wouldn't she lose all confidence on herself and start believing in the world that she is inferior to everyone she meets and shouldn't express her views and opinions? Thank god for Indian society that she is still accepted by spiritually evolved people.

I want to meet my friends again. I still stick to my belief. Its the heart that matters. And those who cannot see the other person's heart are blind and not worthy of being selected as company. We should always interact with positive high-thinking people who can help us grow as living beings. I thoroughly pray for those blind people and wish they gain the understanding of the law of Life.

The truth is always ugly they say. But ugliness is only a perception.

Oh No! My dream come true!!!

I always dreamt of a particular kind of person as my husband. I prayed for him to manifest in my life as soon as possible. I had desired him to be strong, intelligent, understanding, cultured, worthy of respect and a lot like me in most of the aspects. I prayed so fervently for him that I forced the universal Law to manifest 'My Husband' in my life. When I first met him, I didn’t realize he was "The One". He was an ordinary looking person with eyes gleaming with mischief and joy. Later it was revealed to me in the most miraculous ways that Gomzi was everything I wanted. He was intelligent, understanding, cultured and worthy of my respect as well as his friends'. But I also found out that this man was "a lot like me in most of the aspects"!!!! Its funny how God gives you EXACTLY what you want as if I wished to a genie!!!

If I was a hot tempered girl who had keenly learnt the art to remain calm and composed, my husband was (err....still is) a hot tempered man who's keen to learn how to control his freaking nerves. If I was known as "Gajjini" (Ms. Forgettable) in my friend circle, Gomzi is the Mr. Forgettable Sr. He forgets even the big-big happenings in his (our) life!!

If I love music and want my playlist to represent my personality, he loves music so much that he can edit even MY playlists by adding his numbers so that it represents OUR personalities!

Now... one thing I NEVER thought would manifest in my life was the fact that he LOVES me sooooooooooooooooooooo much that at times I am ashamed of not being able to love him as properly. His is an unconditional sort of love. No matter how I look, what I do, where I am he always loves me. He considers us as one body-one mind-one soul! I mean...... all that I could fathom about love was the cliché "two in body one in mind" philosophy. But his ideas are much more supreme and flabbergasting!

So now..... His things are mine.....and ....mine.....are his. After all ... we are ONE! His perfumes are mine...and.....my laptop... (sheesh) is his. His towel is mine and my slippers are his!!! His muscle pain is mine and my weight problem is his. His disciplined ideals of life are mine and my creative abstractness is his. His organizational skills are mine and my innovative cookery skills are his. (I wonder who gets the credit where!!) His praise is my praise and my shame is his. His anger is my problem and my carelessness is his. His awkward dressing sense is my lack and my dull pastel color choice is his lack!

Its funny how marriage makes a cocktail of the couple!

But to come to think of it. Isn't marriage all about becoming one? A man and woman metamorph into a pheonix giving rise to a new generation! each teaches the other essential lessons of life. They bring together their personal experiences and guide each others process of evolution into a self actualised mortal. And this is not just a philosophy or a belief. Its a Fact. It may take life times before we reach Buddhahood but one thing is sure, during the journey, we will always find our spouse to be our strongest guide....

and if you pray hard....... your guide aka life partner ..... will turn out to be just the way you want it........................ and if you continue praying... you will not regret wanting it........

:)

This thing called Husband....

When men say that women can’t do anything straight I feel like doing two things. 1, Give them a good whack on their face and 2, let them meet my husband! "Marriage works on mutual understanding", says my Father-in-law. The wife is not only supposed to feed her tired husband but also provide nutrition to his tired mind. A man goes through a lot in the entire day. He has to deal with people who don't understand him, people who can’t understand his position in the office, people who can’t say two good things to him when he is done something he is proud of and deal with N number of men who only criticize him for all his goof ups and silly decisions. He has to control his emotions seeing people who can't drive properly and control his sperm when he sees that the stupid driver is a hot babe. There is so much he has to go through in the entire day!

A woman on the other hand has to only deal with two things: "they don't like what I am doing or what I am wearing" or " they don't understand I am so capable". Otherwise she doesn’t mind stupid drivers on the road, people who don’t understand her position in the office, people who think she is silly or even people who keep ogling when they see her. She KNOWS she is much better than all of these men and that there are MANY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS to look into and think about. Important things like: How much I can improve myself, how can I make my colleague feel nice and make him/her smile, how I can bring my thinking in accordance with my superiors and understand their point of view. Important things like how can I keep my things in place so I can get them back when I need them and how I can organize my home and family in such a way that neither feels neglected.

But at the end of the day both, man and woman, come home tired. Both want to retire and both want a nice glass of cold water or a cup of hot tea. They both require indulging in some leisure time. So the man switches on the TV and the woman.......well.... she wants to go have a hot water bath and sleep .....but..... she enters the kitchen..... because "who will make the hot cup of tea that we both want right now?" and then she has to do the laundry or else "what will you wear for tomorrow’s meeting?" and of course before the bath she also has to look into the fridge and see what vegetables are available for cooking for tonight's dinner. Meanwhile the man goes to the bedroom to change clothes or switches on his laptop to do some "important work"(read: facebook) or goes to the bathroom with his favorite book to sit for an hour on his "thinking seat" (read: flush pot).

But soon he discovers that his favorite sweat is missing or his laptop's charger is not on the table or the book he keeps in the 'book shelf' in the toilet is half wet! And here comes the bomb... "Honey!!! Can’t you ever do anything straight? Who told you to touch my clothes/laptop things/book????"

(sigh) the ever-so-wise woman simply stares at the guy. Takes out the sweaty sweat from the laundry bag/ takes out the laptop charger from the laptop carry case/ shows the man that the book is wet because he washes himself before he keeps the book back in the shelf and his dripping hands are the cause to the stagnated water on the shelf.

The man doesn’t understand. He still thinks the woman can’t do anything straight.

Meet my husband I tell all the Men. He understands me like I understand myself. He always knows where to find his sweats because he takes care of his clothes as if they were his own babies. He always knows where the laptop charger is because he doesn’t keep them anywhere but in the carry case. And books...... well he doesn’t read....

My husband comes home, takes off his shoes and helps me in the kitchen (because he thinks I take a long time to cook), he switches on the TV to watch a movie only when I am done with all the other chores... and he helps me do the laundry (well....because he thinks I am too forgetful to do so regularly). He even waters the plants so that I don’t talk to them and waste 10 minutes of valuable time. I get to lounge on a sofa every evening while he sweeps the floor because when I do it I often miss out some or another corner or miss a spot here or there.

hmmm...... I know all you women reading this post are probably indulging in some envious laughter. Envy because I get what you don’t. Laughter..... yess...... that's the plan my girls. DO YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT EVERYTIME?

Leave a little bit on them I say. What? What do you say? They are babies? Can't do anything by themselves is it???

LUCKY YOU!

You get to do important things at home! You get to be the boss and shout at him, nagging him on how kiddish he is!!! You get the "I am sorry" make-up sessions that I am deprived of!!!!

There is a bad side to having a husband who is independently perfect. He gets to be upset and tell the wife how incapable she is. He gets to crack silly jokes on her recently developed tires as an indication of her leisure time at home and supposedly "forced" labor time for the husband!!!

Well. Be happy all you women in the world. You have a husband who is not perfect!

The Greatest Challenge

Life teaches us a lot. But no lesson is easy to learn. In the process we have to overcome so many hurdles and challenges that sometimes this learning seems almost exhausting!
I am psychologist......a healer. I aspire to provide life changing therapy sessions to my community and society at large. There have been many successful moments in my life...
And there have been times when I haven't been able to reach out to my client. But up till now...my biggest challenge has been to change my loved ones.

As a therapist, I can influence a million parents, youngsters, children and educationalists....but I seem to be taking sooooooooooo long to inculcate the correct attitude and teachings in my own parents and fiancé. All of these are very important people in my life. They inspire me, guide me, teach me and advice me. I do the same for them. I have noticed, that the three of them are rigidly staying put in the rut of their Common-Man lives.

Daishonin (Buddhism) says that our environment is a reflection of our self. If we don’t change... nothing will change around us. In order to make my parents and fiancé understand the idiosyncrasies of mortal man and escape the sufferings that arise out of life's distresses, I will have to develop myself!
My mother is a very responsible individual who believes in self care being higher than care for others. I don’t care about myself and my things. I tend to be irresponsible with my belongings and always remain in a state of perplex, hunting for my earrings, my books, important files or even a particular dress! I don’t care about my body and fill it with extra sugar and extra salt ...not to forget unnecessary meat... and let fat ooze out of embarrassing areas of my body! How can I expect her to change herself for an irresponsible girl like me?
My dad is a cultured man. His values are very strong. He believes in loving the community as if it is a part of our identity. By upholding strong value systems like respecting elders and being sensitive to the needs of the people around us, we can win respect and name in the eyes of others. I don’t respect my father. I speak out aloud my perceptions about him and mom with an aim to make them feel guilty for their faulty parenting. Every man learns with his mistakes. By continuously penalizing him for the errors you are only devaluing him. And I de-value my folks. I tell them whets wrong in them and hurt their ego. How can I expect him to change himself for a rebel like me?
My fiancé is a much disciplined man. He believes in Precaution rather than cure. He values time and routine. Honesty, sincerity, pure intentions are synonymous to his name. Every dealing in his life is done with pure intentions. His love is so unconditional that it can make any woman guilty for judging anything or anyone in life! He has the ability to concentrate on the positives of his loved ones rather than their negatives. I judge ALL his actions, all his thought processes, all his belief systems! His profession asks him to fall in love with one’s own body and develop it and nurture it lovingly. I don’t exercise, I don't wear anklets for my sprained ankles, I wear heals that trouble my spine, my hips and my feet. His day is jam-packed hardly allowing him space to breathe. He therefore values every moment of his life. I run late almost every day for almost every task. My papers are submitted in the nick of time and I love the adrenaline gush of running to catch a movie or arrive on a date with him. How can I ask him to change for a careless girl like me?

I have to be more responsible of myself and my belongings, I have to respect my parents and value the traditions of my house, I have to do time management and respect my body. Only by bringing these changes in my life will I inspire them to change their outlook of life. Only then will I be able to let them know that Life is beautiful and not as stressful as they think it is!

Midnight Winter Dream....

In the silence of the mind, a true lover romances with her ownself.
In the Silence of the world, she hears her own voice.

Her musings take her to a land far off,
travelling in time
transending space.
In her musings she scares herself of a future so horrid
and then cries to her lover for protection and cover.

In the silence of the mind,
she hears her speak,
comforting, soft voice....
an anchor in the turbulent sea...
''Why do you fear that that you do not know
What do you love? That is not yours!
Who do you admire? Him? Who is no one but You?
Love thyself and thou shalt know...
there exists nothing but Thy....''

Every night.... I dream.... of being one with You.........

New Found Love

Man! What is this thing called Love? These philosphers have made it so difficult to understand. Feelings? Emotions? need for belongingness or security? Need to be accepted? a mix of all? none of these?

hmm..... something to ponder on! I just know one thing...... I am in love...... with EVERYONE and EVERYTHING! I am in Love with life!!!

But this is a secret okay...... hush hush!

Am i left behind...yet again?

Whatever happens to us is our responsibility. Like Goosebumps' series of multiple endings, in real life too we choose our own endings. Sometimes we read swiftly, while some times we go slowly.

I have been a slow and steady player in this game called Life. Every time people have sprinted ahead, I have consoled myself by saying “slow and steady wins the race". And then came a moment when I leaped forward. That’s when I tasted the sweet Victory. I experienced being the fastest in the race! Now that life has taken a slower lane, I do not like it.

People say that the modern day life (kalyug) is a rat race....a blind rat race. We are running with our eyes closed. I am one of those fortunate ones to have found the way to open my eyes. But still I prefer closing them at times! Shame on me for that! Out of millions of souls residing on Earth, a pinch of them learn what is the true purpose in life. And a grain out of that pinch of sand makes the amount of people who actively start their journey to practice opening their eyes to reality. I have been one of those very few people. Shame on me if I still digress from the correct path!

PHEW!!! Heavy stuff ya?? I don’t know if you understood what I meant. In simple words, I meant, I at times start focusing on things that don’t matter in Life. Like ego, money, fame, appreciation from others, acceptance by people in power (including parents and teachers)! If I know that most of the people don’t realise that it is LOVE that fuels life, then why should I even bother getting acknowledgement from then? Why should I think of getting married to a rich American? Why should I fret that my near and dear ones don’t understand me?

I am unique. I know what I want from life and I know how to get there. I need to work hard!!! And keep doing good for others so that I can reap the benefits of my good deeds in guise of proper education and protection from evil and harm. Yet at times, I let my anxiety/fear of the unknown come in my way. Those who uphold strong faith have all their prayers answered. I KNOW I will be victorious! I will get what I want. So what if it comes later than expected. I know everything happens for a reason and I will get what I want only when I truly deserve it!

There is no race going on...... no one is left behind..... :)